Wailing Upon My Bed

They do not cry to me from the heart, but they wail upon their beds.
— hosea 7:14
Seems to me like wailing and crying out to God are kind of part and parcel of this shared experience with His people.

Seems to me like wailing and crying out to God are kind of part and parcel of this shared experience with His people.

I have done this. I have been in some deep emotional healing for the last three years, and I can tell you I have days where I am weary, tired and frustrated at God's process.

I can be stubborn in my pain, I can lie around in it, wallow in it from my bed, but keep my heart from crying to God, which is the type of crying I need. In fact, if I am not careful, I can use my pain as fuel to resist God altogether, because I don't want to face the truth that I am really angry at Him for allowing the pain in the first place. 

This verse is not an admonishment from God against emotion, against crying, or against feeling. But it is an admonishment against directing all of that energy into places where it does not serve the purpose of redemption and bringing me closer to God. 

My emotions were designed by God, how I respond to them has not always been as He intended, though. For many, many years, I just buried them and refused to feel anything, completely shut down from abuse. As God heals me, learning how to feel has seemed to me to be one of the hardest parts of the journey.

I hope I am learning not to seek redemption in lies as I wail upon my bed, while my heart is shut up to the love and relationship God wants to have with me. I have a sense that God loves it, though, when I cry out from my open heart. I just know I need Him to keep teaching me to discern the difference.

NOTE: Found this in my journal from last year. Not in this same place at the moment, but I want to remember this when I am again. One thing I know about walking with the Lord, He will continue to work in me to make me more like Him. I will cry again. I have no doubt.